since i can’t express myself with anyone, anywhere, i’m going to do it here.

have you ever felt so disgusted by you, that even a simple compliment, makes you wanna burst? 
i had a friend that told me so, and i never really understand, i mean, the person is beautiful,  nice, inteliigent and hates herself so much, that when someone is nice to her, she just wants to smash your head. And then i understood, and here am i.

Disgusted by everything i am. i lost my interests, my inteligence, myself. My outside is rotting as well, and i just feel like taking myself to the middle of nowhere and just sleep on the ground until i disappear. i know it doesn’t take long for people to forget about me anyway, what kind of positive aspects do i have in their life? i’m just listening and then i go home, lay down, and feel like i want to die.

i feel like this since i was 12 years old. i thought time would change me, but i’m going to be 21 this year, yet here i am, feeling the worst about everything.
I’m uncertain of my future, i don’t know how to do anything, i don’t know how to stand for myself, and i’m an ugly human being. I can’t say this to anyone, because they’ll say i’m just looking for attention, or its just “a bad phase”, a bad phase that’s been happening for 7 years already, and now im pretty sure it will never end.

the hate for myself will never end. And i can’t beg for anyone to love me, because now i know, they can say they love me, but if i don’t love myself, i will never believe in anyone as well.

ryuko:

still don’t really understand how some people have trouble just being nice